Meltdown City

Photo: Brendan Smialowski /AFP via Getty Images
Oh man. Slurred and addled in his first speech since Election Night, the Biggest Fascist Loser Maybe of All Time has unwittingly given us “the single worst moment in American presidential history…the validating proof (he’s) a psychopath unfit to hold office” by raving that, “If you count the legal votes, I easily win” and then adding, “If you count the illegal votes, they can try and steal the election.” At that point, Planet Earth stepped in. Brian Williams: “There are no illegal votes that we know of. There has been no Trump victory that we know of.” And so it went. Trump started vomiting so many frenzied lies that an aghast media, finally getting it right four years too late, just cut away from him. Then they eviscerated him. There were the chyrons: “Trump complains mail-in votes are being counted…Trump blames polls for current election status…Trump says he’s being cheated, Biden says count every vote…Trump says he’ll go to Supreme Court. Unclear why.” And there was the language, at long last ditching euphemisms for the dreaded “L” word. Jake Tapper on his “feast of falsehoods”: “We knew he wouldn’t lose graciously, but seeing him flail like this – it’s just pathetic….Lie after lie after lie.”

Shep Smith, formerly of Fox News, now on CNBC, was still more brutal and detailed. One by one, he recited the demented claims – there’s widespread voter fraud, they’re not letting observers in to watch the counting, he’d bigly win counting only “legal” votes – and, one by one, destroyed them: “That’s simply not true…There is no evidence of that…This is a lie….That is categorically false.” “There’s only words here,” he finally lamented. “No truth.” Things were so batty of course Twitter had to chime in with the hashtag #Trumpmeltdown. The consensus: It’s long been clear the guy who had so much trouble counting the crowd at his inauguration “lacked the intellectual and emotional maturity to handle the presidency,” or even counting votes. But Anderson Cooper won the night. Speaking over a chyron that read, “Without any evidence, Trump says he’s being cheated,” Cooper had his best raised-eyebrows, WTF face on as he pondered the wreckage on display. “That is the most powerful person in the world,” he marveled. “And we see him, like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over.” Goddamn, may it be so.  

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